August 9th 2016
Yorktown Heights, NY
Looking back at my journey so far, most every day has been wonderful. Sure, there have been some challenges, a little bad weather and times when I wondered; What the Hell Am I Doing.
My first time thinking this was the very day I launched in that high wind up on the Canadian / US Border. Second time was fighting the big waves as I left Valcour Island. There were a few times on the Hudson where this thought crossed my mind and it was a daily occurrence when I hit Manhattan and started paddling among the large ships where I felt like a squirrel running across a super highway during rush hour. The last time was indeed my last hour on the water as I battled unsuccessfully to make it to shore through the Sandy Hook Rip and into large seas and high wind.
So I thought I’d talk about why. Why does someone hike, camp, bike or do anything that is uncomfortable and risky. Before this journey, kayaking was a very relaxing experience. I kayaked mostly is good calm weather. Sure, I kayaked in the winter, through an ice flow, but even then, I was always within reach of the comfort of home. So why do people throw away comfort for experience?
Since I’ve asked the “Why Do You Camp” question before, I won’t dwell on that, but rather why humans will seek out experiences that makes living and surviving hard.
Before I started this journey, I had it rather nice. I was living my family’s vacation home on Lake St Catherine, VT. I had ended up there by accident back in December 2012 after I had sold my house and New York Real Estate and Property Management business. My family’s vacation home was a short-term solution. I needed somewhere temporary to live before moving onto a 43’ Morgan Sailboat in the Stamford, CT Harbor where I would run my Connecticut Real Estate and Property Management business. I was supposed to move out of Vermont in Mid April. The plan was a good one, but the deal on the boat fell through and as much as I looked, I never found another boat I liked.
With each passing week, Vermont, specifically, Poultney, Vermont became very comfortable. The town was small, quaint and everyone knew each other by first name. It felt nice and you could not beat the view I had. A Westerly View on the shore of Lake St. Catherine. I had my kayak, access to a Pontoon Boat and eventually a small sailboat. What more could one want? For many, this was heaven and for a time, it was for me too. Vermont offered me so much. Outdoor recreation, just feet from my front door, comfort, convenience and I had even gotten involved with creating a village park in town we named The Slate Quarry Park. I served as treasurer on the newly formed board. I had established myself as a Vermonter and had become very involved with the town, the lake and the community.
When I lost Lexie in December, I had a hard time dealing with things that I easily handled before. More so, I suddenly began to think of everything we never got to do together. The biggest was that we were supposed to sail the world together. I had trained her from the very day I got her to live on a sailboat and it never happened. Losing her made me start to realize how much I was letting go of by staying in Vermont. With each passing year, I was a year further from doing things I had always wanted to. One thing I never wanted to or had thought of doing was kayaking to Key West. I had thought of kayaking the Erie Canal. Thought of going on a weekend camping trip off the kayak, but never a journey like this.
Even two months before this journey began, I was not looking at kayaking. It was sailing I was focused on. I had made plans to relocate to the Chesapeake Bay and had begun looking for a sailboat. Once in the Chesapeake Bay, I’d find some work and focus on earning my Captains License and then I would take off and sail the world while looking for work with my Captain’s License. I gave myself a deadline of July 1st. As I traveled around New England looking for a sailboat yet again, the deadline was fast approaching and yet I wasn’t finding what I needed. Finding a sailboat to live aboard when you are 6’4” and have a very small budget is difficult. If I could double my budget, I would not have had as much of a 
problem, but I could not do that in fact, my budget had been cut significantly since we first arrived in Vermont due to the expense of Lexie’s cancer treatment. Finding a sailboat on this budget was impossible.
One day I walked by my kayak and thought about how I had first ventured out across the country. It was on a motorcycle of all things. I simply packed it up and hit the road. I looked at my kayak and thought for a moment; could I do that with this kayak? After a few searches online, I had a Plan B if the sailboat didn’t happen. As the days got closer and my need to get on the water to find my peace, I knew it was time to pull the plug on the sailboat and focus on the kayak.
For me, its not so much of a desire to live harder; believe me, I’d love to be in something other than a Tent, but after loosing Lexie, I was having trouble feeling anything. Putting myself out there in the weather, having to fight daily to make progress, struggling with basic necessities. This is helping me cope with the loss I struggle with, helping me fight to live, allowing me to experience not only struggles, but also joy and achievement again. I need this to be able to grow, to live.
I can’t tell you why others choose a life less ordinary, but for me, living an ordinary life simply isn’t living. That does not mean that everyone should live like this though. This life, my life, is not for everyone. In fact, it’s not for most, but as some Facebook app reminded me of today… I am not like the rest. None of us are the same and we should never look to another for comparison, but you can look for inspiration in others.
Right now, i’m simply looking at the weather, tides and timeframe. I’m shooting for a relaunch on Tuesday, though I am not sure of the southerly route yet as with each day, New Jersey keeps throwing more issues at me, but I will figure a way around them and then get back to it.
Day 41 Done
