The only constant in life is change

Change is a constant in everyones life, yet most humans resist it – some even die to prevent it while others die to empower it. Change is what fuels me though. One thing that attracts me to sailing is the constant change, constant movement. The same can be said with living in a Van and yet, I have met many who seem to adopt these lifestyles and then force it to become stagnant by staying in the same place. Boats that never leave their slip, RV’s that never seem to move. Both of these things were built to explore, so why would someone chose to live in them and then not – explore?

“The only constant in life is change”-Heraclitus.

Just a few days shy of three months ago, I talked about changes in my life. I was just a month away from approaching my one year anniversary of living on the West Coast and while I had moved around a bit between Oregon and Washington with a side trip to California and Arizona, I was for the most part, living in Olympia, WA.

December – Big changes were in store for me. I was looking at a life I had not even imagined since my Thirties; A Relationship, a new Career, a Homestead. I was very excited and I was thrilled to have found such a wonderful person to share these things with, but the biggest change for me would mean that I was going to go from a Nomad to a Settler. I was sure I could do it, after all, we talked about and made plans to travel together. Northern Washington in March, New York in April and even a trip to Scotland in August. There would certainly be a lot of travel in our future.

Washington is a beautiful state. From the amazing snow topped mountains to the lush green forests. From the lakes scattered all over Western Washington to the speculator coastline. It all comes at a price. That price is very little sunshine and we just went through one of the rainiest winters in their history. Now, when I say rain, I don’t mean like a Texas rain or a Florida Rain. Not even the rain in New England can compare though many of those places get far more rainfall than here. No, this is a light misty rain that goes on for days – weeks even! And the water – such an abundance of water and yet – too cold to swim in or kayak in without protective gear. For someone like me who loves the water, this is a huge tease. Look, but don’t enter.

The closer I got to the day I’d go from a House Sitter working in Washington to becoming a Washingtonian, the more I knew something was wrong, but with Valentines Day coming up, how do you actually talk about these things? I was sure that if we could make it past Valentine’s Day, that the feelings I was having would subside. Perhaps they would have, we’ll never know. It was just a couple of days after that ‘Change’ arrived and Chris and I parted ways. Perhaps she could feel my anxiety, perhaps she had her own reservations too? But in one brief moment, it ended as quickly as it began. And just like that, a wave of relief swept over me. My mind; once mourning the loss of being free to run bare in a field of flower or jumping into the warm ocean waters of Florida and the feeling of driving down the open road just “traveling for travels sake” as Robert L Stevenson so eloquently put it, it was all back.

I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move.
Robert Louis Stevenson

Now I have something else to mourn, the loss of being loved and loving someone, but how could she love me if I was no longer who I was when we met? And therein lies the problem, I was becoming someone I didn’t know. Someone I didn’t want to be. If we could have traveled together, I am sure you’d be reading about an engagement rather than a breakup, but in the end – I loved and was loved. Even if just for a few months – we both got to dance spontaneously, create magic in the kitchen and dream of a life together and love each other. There will always be a happy place in my heart where her memory is held, but in the end, our differences, though few, were too large to conquer.

April 1, 2020 I’ll be rolling Eastbound again. I’ll be exploring the country as I go, embracing change and mourning what I leave behind. The plan is to arrive in New York to visit with my family in time for them to celebrate their birthdays. My Dad turns 88 this year and my Mom turns 82.